About Me

I am a priest of the Archdiocese of Tororo, Uganda since my ordination on July 4, 1998. I am currently assigned as Professor of Theology and formator at Notre Dame Seminary in the Archdiocese of New Orleans, Louisiana.

Monday, October 5, 2015

Marriage is a spousal, complementary, lifelong commitment of equal partners

Homily for Ordinary Time – 27th Sunday Year B 2015

Genesis 2:18-24; Hebrews 2:9-11; Mark 10:2-16

Introduction


The story is told of Hernando Cortés, the Spanish Conquistador, who arrived with his army on the shores of what is now Mexico.  Even though he had more advanced weapons, compared to the Aztecs his army was rather small.

And so, legend has it that after his men got ashore, Cortés told them to burn the ships that brought them from Spain. In doing this, he wanted his men to understand fully that their only options were to win or die – there would be no retreat, no plan B. Knowing that their options were life or death, the Spanish army would fight with more determination and commitment.

Scripture and Theology


Commitment is the message of today's readings, particularly commitment in marriage. 

"It is not good for the man to be alone," God says in Genesis.  "I will make a suitable partner for him."  From the very beginning, God wanted man and woman to be companions committed to each other.  According to God’s plan, the journey of life, with its ups and downs, must be travelled with a lifelong, equal partner.  That is why, as someone put it, woman was created in this way:

The woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.

God expects man and woman, therefore, to live in mutual love, caring for and supporting each other as equal companions, in a lifetime commitment.

These two partners, man and woman, are different sexes so that they can complement each other.  That is why Genesis said: "A man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one flesh."  The man and woman don't bring half and half, so as to make one; but in a different kind of mathematics, they each bring 1 plus 1, to make one flesh.  They bring to the table of marriage, the whole of themselves, different but complete and full.

An experience with some married friends recently provided a window into this unique commitment of marriage.  I was at a reception when this lady announced that she had to leave early, to go and give her husband his dinner. I asked her why?  Could he not make dinner for himself?  He has hands and can cook - I know that because I have eaten some of his cooking and it was good.  But she insisted that she had been away from home for most of the day; she just had to go and take care of her husband, that man for whom she left her father and mother and to whom she clings for the rest of her life.

When asked about marriage and divorce in the gospel, Jesus does not have to reinvent the wheel; he simply repeats what we just heard from Genesis. In the very nature of man and woman, God wished them to have a lifetime committed relationship of love.  Jesus says that Moses allowed divorce, only because of the hardness of their hearts; it was a temporary fix for an imperfect situation.  Now that God has revealed himself fully in Jesus Christ, things are different.  “. . . what God has joined together [in marriage], no human being must separate."

Christian Life


And yet separation and divorce are part of us today.  Nearly 50% of marriages in general and 30% of Catholic marriages end up in divorce.  These are painful situations for all involved, spouses, children, even friends.  I know this pain, since my parents separated when I was only six years old.  These are some of the themes that the Catholic bishops of the world are discussing in Rome, starting this Sunday at the Synod on the family.

During last year's Synod on the same topic, many of us were disturbed by what we heard on the media.  This year, if we want to understand what is really going on, we must bypass Fox News and MSNBC and go straight to the horse's mouth, the Vatican website or the bishop's website.  We will hear two consistent messages about family and marriage: commitment and care of families.

First, commitment is the cornerstone of marriage and family, as we have just heard in both Genesis and the teaching of Jesus.  Pope Francis spoke so passionately about this commitment during his visit to Philadelphia, to the world meeting of families.  Pope Francis reminds us that such lifelong commitment of a man and woman only when think beyond our own desires and wants and when we bring God into the picture.

But the Pope also warns that such lifelong commitment in marriage struggles to survive in a culture like ours that prefers making provisional, temporary choices. 
·        For example, our throwaway culture does not have keepsakes from childhood or precious heirlooms from grandma; we prefer selfies and the disposable and we just buy more and more.  How can we live lifelong commitment?
·        In a culture that adores only the useful and immediate, we throw away the elderly because we don't see them as useful anymore; we throw away babies in the womb and ignore the poor and vulnerable, because they interfere with our lives.  How can we live lifelong commitment?

Despite these obstacles, Pope Francis asks us not to be afraid to make life commitments, commitments like marriage or the priesthood or religious life, that take up our entire life.  This is the first message that the Synod of Bishops will keep reminding us.

The second message we shall hear from the Bishops is that the Church cares for the sad situation of marriages and families that are in trouble.  That is why the Church has different ways to help these situations.
1.    There are programs before marriage, like the “Day for the Engaged,” and Pre-Cana programs, to help couples to understand the lifetime commitment that marriage is and burn all their other ships before the wedding day.
2.    There are also programs for the marriage itself, like Marriage Encounter, in which couples attempt to discover or re-discover their commitment.
3.    And then in those unfortunate situations of break-up, the Church attempts to deal with each situation accordingly.  In some cases a temporary separation is proposed.  In other cases, we have the process of annulment, which Pope Francis recently streamlined.  This process is not Catholic divorce; it simply tries to find out if the basic elements of marriage, such as freedom where absent from the get-go.  This annulment process does not end a  marriage; it only declares that the marriage commitment was never there in the first place.
And so the Church teaches lifelong commitment as it also cares for disturbed marriages and families.

Conclusion

We are fortunate to have among us many exemplary couples who have been married for 40, 50, even 60 years. One thing that all of them often say is that it was not always easy; there were ups and downs.  But what kept them going was the realization that marriage was a lifelong commitment.


Such couples deserve our admiration and appreciation for their lifelong commitment; but what kind of gift can you give them on their anniversary?  Certainly not more socks or sweaters or mugs - they have enough!  Let me suggest something else.  There is a department in the Vatican called the "Office of Papal Charities."  One of the things they do is issue Papal Blessing parchments.  Why not acquire such a gift and have the Pope bless mum and dad, grandma and grandpa or that older couple that you know? In this way, their example of lifelong commitment will inspire your own commitment, whether it is in marriage or something else.

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